The Silent Affair ( Dealing With Depression Silently)

Have you ever read an article or just simply past by one on social media and thought to yourself, "He/she was so beautiful/handsome, why did they commit suicide?" Or "Wow they had so much going for themselves, I would have never thought." Have you ever experienced a loved one or associate who committed suicide and tried to figure out where you missed all of the signs?  It's because so many people deal with depression silently. More than often it is  unfortunately due to cultural upbringing, and embarrassment of loved ones thinking you are crazy, or calling you dramatic, or feeling  as if you are simply seeking attention.

Being an African American woman, I know and have experienced feelings of depression, being what we like to call "down played" due to a persons lack of knowledge of what depression really looks like! Most people are afraid to experience the relief of having a therapist/counselor because it is so frowned upon. People who deal with depression silently appear to be your everyday person. They go to work, go to social events, they laugh, they smile, sometimes they are even the life of the party.  But who are they when they are alone?

Alone they feel pleasure in pain, they cut themselves physically, with blades or anything sharp they can find. OR they cut themselves emotionally, drowning themselves in sorrow with excessive use of drugs, alcohol, or depressing movies and music. They bury themselves in dark rooms, they sleep a lot, so they don't have to deal with the pain, they over think, they cry, they get excited about things, then almost immediately lose interest, they lose interest in things that they once loved. They call off work, and sometimes even quit almost every job they get. Those are the things you can't see, but who are they in plain sight?

Are you close enough to someone to realized changes in their eating habits, the fluctuating or drastic weight loss or gain? What about their social media? Those post that you frown upon, laugh at, ignore , or maybe screen shot to send in a group chat saying, " Here he/she goes again with the ranting." What if they weren't ranting, but actually calling out for help? Sometimes we have to set aside our judgmental ways and dig a little deeper. What if the phrase, "He/she  has  to want better for themselves was not always true?"

Sometimes people just simple don't know how to want better, or they've dealt  with depression and trauma for so long that they believe it is a way of living, and a better place doesn't exist. I remember writing a post on Facebook about dealing with sexual abuse and a few other things and my godmother text me saying, "Don't get so use to feeling this way , that you don't know that there is a better way to feel" and that hit home. I had been so use to feeling empty inside that I didn't believe or seek to feel better! Paying closer attention to a loved one may save them! Sometimes a simple call, movie date, dinner date, or even game night can change a mood that may be their last. Maybe they won't receive what you have to offer them right in that moment, but they eventually will.

People who silently deal with depression do it because they don't want to seem like a burden or the person who always has a problem. They don't want to always be the one to bring down the mood and energy of an atmosphere. Have you ever got a call from someone and thought, "I'm not answering that today, I'm not in the mood to hear him/her be emotional or deal with their problems." Well guess what, those who deal with depression know that others may feel that way about them so they suffer alone.

So what if you could step away from your personal depression free life and think about someone other than yourself?  What if you paid a little more attention to a loved one? What if you saved a life by simply living with no judgement or boundaries? We all have problems within ourselves but some problems are life threatening to others.